As is our annual tradition, we’d thought we’d share some silly stories with you on April 1.
Holstein saves the farm
SENECA FALLS, NY – Thanks to a prizewinning Holstein, John DeLieter’s Buttercup Meadows Farm will struggle no more. The “cash cow” isn’t a show cow.
In fact, Anita is one of the smallest of the farm’s 500-head herd. The two-year-old cow had escaped the farm’s pasture looking for a greener one and found it in a most unexpected place: the local casino, where security cameras later revealed that automatic doors allowed her to wander into the 24-hour gaming center. Anita tried the lever on a couple slot machines until she happened upon one with a credit for play still available. A few head rubs later, and the lucky bovine found herself a triple cherry winner. Another casino patron helped her gather her winnings.
How Anita escaped is no mystery to DeLieter.
“She’d stepped over a fallen fence sometime around 3 a.m.,” DeLieter explained. “I heard the dog raising a ruckus about that time. We didn’t even know she had been missing until morning milking, around three hours later.”
That’s when Anita returned holding in her mouth the handle of a bucket full of casino chips, valued at $520,000. DeLieter said that the cow is permanently off the cull list, regardless of her health and milk production.
“She’ll enjoy the rest of her life at pasture – so long as the fence is in good repair,” DeLieter said. “Then again, maybe it’s best she does get out once in a while to keep the farm going.”
DeLieter plans to use the winnings to pay off farm debt and invest in a new tractor.
A farmer’s favorite lunch – literally
The operation of Farmer Daffy and his wife was home to every kind of livestock because their dream was to live on a McDonald’s farm.
One afternoon, Farmer Daffy came inside after finishing a brand-new chicken coop for Mrs. Daffy, just in time for her new chicks.
Mrs. Daffy was usually busy on the farm too, but she was so happy to have a new coop, especially one that was painted pink, that she decided to treat Farmer Daffy to his favorite lunch. With a freezer full of meat, she knew she’d have all the ingredients to make whatever he requested.
“Farmer Daffy, what would you like for lunch tomorrow?” she asked.
“Let me think about that,” said Farmer Daffy. “I’ll let you know after I read today’s page in the Farmers’ Almanac.”
Before long, Farmer Daffy found Mrs. Daffy outside admiring her new pink chicken coop. He told her the pink made it easy to think of what he wanted. His favorite lunch was pigs in a blanket.
Mrs. Daffy went to work on her husband’s request. She thawed out a package of hot dogs (made from their own pigs, of course), started a batch of her special homemade dough and sliced some cheese.
As Mrs. Daffy wrapped the hot dogs and prepared them for the oven, she had an idea that made her chuckle to herself just thinking about it.
When Farmer Daffy came in for lunch, Mrs. Daffy came from next room with the extra-special surprise.
“Here are your pigs in blankets,” she said, nearly buckling under the weight of the tray. “I hope I didn’t make too many.”
Farmer Daffy removed the towel that was keeping the pigs in blankets warm, but he wasn’t prepared for what he saw.
Mrs. Daffy giggled, so proud that she managed to sneak four piglets in from the barn and wrap each one in a blanket without them so much as squealing.
New app HeiferComm breaks barnyard boundaries
Tech startup Fahrmr recently announced the beta release of their app HeiferComm, targeted at previous untapped customers: your cattle.
“We just really think this is going to change everything,” said Belinda Kelly, Fahrmr’s COO. “Being able to communicate with your animals in this way is going to unify the farm and increase productivity and sustainability in ways we can only begin to imagine.”
The app links to a device that functions in a similar fashion to specialized dog collars. A small box-like apparatus clips on to the existing cow collar. It acts as a transmitter, picking up bovine brainwaves and throat vibrations and converts both into coherent speech.
“It’s really something,” said Evan Michaelson, a farmer at MilkCourt Acres, a test facility Fahrmr operates in northern New Hampshire. But Michaelson prefers to let the herd speak for itself, lowering the microphone to the rust-colored Ayrshire cow in the tie-stall next to him.
“I just love it here so, so much,” Rosie the cow gushed, her voice a surprisingly rich alto.
Michaelson is unperturbed, but it’s a surprise for this reporter.
“The barn is so nice and cozy and I have the best feed and hay to eat and I just couldn’t be more grateful. I just love everyone. My gals in the herd are the best, and-and-I love Farmer Evan and his wife Leah. I just love everyoneeeeee,” Rosie announced.
Michaelson moved down the headrail to Lorraine, a spotted Lineback, positioned several feet away, smiling as he did so. “Alright, y’all, lemme get ready! I’ve gotta make the most of my 15 minutes here!” she laughed, Michaelson echoing her.
The whole barn is a cacophony of noise. A steer across the aisle seems to be monologuing Shakespeare in a stuffy British accent. Somewhere, a clipped Spanish voice could be heard – “She loves her telenovelas,” Michaelson explained with a chuckle.
Nearby, two older nurse animals exchanged gossip, “And then she says ‘He just keep comin’ back up to me in the pasture and, Joanne, I just don’t know what to say.’ Mmm-hmm. I hope you set her right. That girl don’t love herself. Mmmm-hmm.”
It’s quite a spectacle. But Michaelson reiterated his confidence that the rest of the world is going to benefit from the same unique dividends they have experienced at MilkCourt.
“It’s only grown my love for these cows. We love every second of it, right, babe?” he asked his wife Leah, across the aisle working on a milker unit. Leah responded by bursting into tears.
Is it for everyone? Time will tell – but it’s clearly revolutionary.
Crop planning for happy & healthy deer
The deer population in New York State is around 1 million and growing by 4% each year. The state allows hunting during mating season in autumn to control populations. In order to make hunting easier, some outdoors enthusiasts plant plots of food to entice deer to follow a convenient path for hunting.
It is illegal to scatter corn or other treats to lure them in, but acceptable to plant crops that they do enjoy. Most hunters grow buckwheat for early spring feasts, then focus on hardier crops such as turnips or daikon radish after frost. In between, flower farmers have a duty to supply these glorious animals with a well-balanced, nutritional diet during the spring and summer months.
Deer seek three things: food, water and shelter. By providing a yummy salad bar of options near a wooded area, you have created 4-star accommodations. This is especially convenient for pregnant does. These plots then offer a family-friendly option for feeding their fawns.
To understand which flowers deer prefer, visit Landscape Plants Rated by Deer Resistance shared by Rutgers University’s New Jersey Agricultural Experiment Station. The list is a continuum of rarely damaged to frequently severely damaged options.
Planting flowers that received the “D” rating (indicating most delicious to deer) is easy following a simple crop plan. Tulip bulbs planted in autumn offer deer a tasty treat in April and May. As most flower farmers grow these bulbs in patches at very close spacing, thousands can be planted in a very small area.
Starting Canterbury bells (Campanula) inside and transplanting out early May allows deer to walk around less delectable options in June into July. Sea holly (Eryngium) also offers an unexpected treat disguised as a thistle-like plant. Amaranth succession planted in late May into June provides a steady diet of a healthy grain. As a cut-and-come-again plant, they bounce back easily, offering months of feeding opportunities. Growing perennial hardy geraniums helps fill in early and late in the season.
The beginning of bow season corresponds to the first frost date for most of us. So if we have done our foodservice jobs properly, the deer will stay in that area through the season.
(Credit to hunting enthusiast and deer plot planter Steve Goodemoot for some of these tips!)
Breaking news: Cow discovered that naturally produces chocolate milk
Dairy farmers and scientists alike are scratching their heads after the discovery of a cow that appears to produce chocolate milk – no syrup required.
The bovine, nicknamed “Cocoa,” was found on a small family farm in Western New York, where its rich, chocolatey milk quickly became a local sensation.
Experts are baffled. Some speculate a rare genetic mutation, while others wonder if a secret diet plays a role.
“We’ve tested everything – this milk is the real deal,” said Dr. Mocha Bovina, a dairy scientist investigating the phenomenon. “It’s udderly unprecedented.”
Big dairy companies are already expressing interest in Cocoa’s sweet success. “This could change the dairy industry as we know it,” said Chip Hershey, spokesperson for MeadowMoo Dairy Inc. “Consumers have been asking where chocolate milk comes from for years – turns out, we finally have an answer.”
With industry giants watching closely, rumors swirl that Cocoa may be the first of a new breed. Farmers are left wondering: could strawberry milk-producing cows be next?
For now, one thing is certain: The dairy industry will never be the same.
Long seasons lead to profit at the polls
Three local farmers were recognized by the local Grange in Ripton, MA, for their record-breaking seasons, each achieving a personal best with their crops.
The three award-winning ag entrepreneurs discussed their experiences at an awards ceremony that took place earlier this year:
Jim Dooley, long known for the quality of his cornfields, was the first to speak up. “This year’s been great. With the prices of corn up, I’m looking at clearing about $100,000 by fall.”
Paul Fedrizzi, a tomato farmer, nodded with approval. “That’s impressive, Jim. I’m expecting to make around $150,000 on off my organic tomatoes this year. The market’s been great.”
The third farmer, Jack, sat quietly, stirring his coffee, a sly grin spreading across his face. Paul and Jim exchanged a glance and pressed him.
“So, Jack, what’s your secret?” Jim asked. “You’ve been awfully quiet. What’s your crop bringing in?”
Jack Veggio leaned back, clearly enjoying the suspense. “Well, fellas, let’s just say I’m making quite a bit more than both of you combined.”
Paul chuckled with skepticism. “Come on, Jack. What are you growing? Pumpkins? Hemp?”
Jack grinned wider, raising an eyebrow. “It’s something a little more… profitable.”
The two farmers leaned forward, eager for the secret. “Come on, Jack, spill it!” Jim urged.
After much insistence from his fellow farmers, Jack relented. “Alright, alright. I’ve been harvesting … ballots.”
“Ballots?!” Paul cried.
“It’s a real cash crop,” insisted Jack.
“How much are you making, Jack?” asked Jim.
“Well, it’s quite a bit,” Jack started. “But to be fair, every year has a corn and a tomato season. Ballots are only in season every four years, so I suppose it all evens out!”
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